Lesson 1: you can't keep macking on a girl if you get handcuffed
yeah that pretty much nipped itself in the bud when I realized i could see her whiteheads glowing in the blacklight
I don't care where my tongue is but i t's going to be in all the pictures.
I havnt even moved into my new place yet and there's already a county sheriffs card taped to the door with my name on it asking me to call him
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude, sorry for live texting you my binge drinking. If you'd like me to do the same for my hangover, I can share that I just had to sit down while q-tipping my ears.
Top hats and gin. This is why I love day drinking.
What's up with the fire hydrant in the laundry room?
I'm happily sitting on the toilet cause I'm too tired to move. I'm considering making this my permanent residence. It has a lot to offer.
Just woke up, shitty hungover, and realized that every article of clothing I slept in was backwards, bra included. Fuck you, gin. Fuck you.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm cleaning my apartment while naked. Anyone who says that's not why they want to live on their own is lying.
how do you casually eat pancakes with someone after they send you an unsolicited dick pic?
you don't. it's the point of no return for pancake enjoyment.
you missed 2am bagpipes and my roommate looking hot as fuck in a kilt
Great. I broke up with him before he could like my selfie, now I'm down a like.
I just got a text giving me an hour window for when my vibrator is gonna be delivered. If that's not awesome customer service, I don't know what is.
One minute we're singing Wagon Wheel, and the next you're belly dancing in a trash bag on the beer pong table
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