This is clearly one of those "A hole's a hole" situations
Screwed.edu
this guy literally just gave me a gold star sticker for the "stellar" blow job i gave him. ashamed? i think not.
I wasn't trying to make you feel bad, I just agreed with you that your life does suck.
You tried to pay the bartender in graduation checks, I think you'll be fine in the real world.
Is today national text-a-girl-whose-had-your-dick-in-her-mouth day and I just wasn't aware?? I am getting the most random "just saying hey" texts ever and that's the only common denominator.
theres a note on the fridge that says "guess what i peed in" and a half-full bottle of apple juice front and center. why did you let him in the house?
It's my coworker's last day party and I'm the one who ended up shitfaced on the train with half a bottle of belvedere in my bag.
so apparently going to a christian rock concert dressed as Jesus is horribly inappropriate.
Ultimate Fighter Idea. You and I both have unprotected sex with the same girl in the spam of days. Whoever the child belongs to, wins and that child is the ultimate ultimate fighter.
How high are you?
HOW IS IT EARTHLY POSSIBLE TO DO THAT MUCH DAMAGE WITH JUST MY THUMBS?? HOW???
i wear a size 32DD bra. its basically impossible for me to get a speeding ticket
I'm currently on a bowling date with my girlfriend and her boyfriend. It's pretty fun.
Can we talk about how i drunkenly changed the timezone on my phone last night and just showed up to work an hour early
i just turned on my printer and found 10 pounds of german chocolate inside. i think i found where you hid your candy last night
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