Telling me its the beginning of school is like telling me the crown royal fairy has come back from vacation.
I'm still in shock that he came by my house for five minutes dropped off a Teddy bear and went to the strip club on valentines day
Just went through the drive thru and got 18 free donuts in exchange for half a joint. Dunkin Donuts at midnight might become a nightly thing for us.
Walking back from greek row alone at 3:30am in a child's kangaroo suit...not my proudest moment
Just got tipped $5 for distracting some dude's gf while he got another girl's number. Bro-code at its finest.
Maybe shotgunning 4 days after oral surgery wasn't such a good idea after all...
This weekend I forgot a cup, so I drank my wine out of a Pringles can. So classy. You would have been so proud.
Best sex of my life. But I think it's because I like his apartment. Really nice bed sheets. High vaulted ceilings. I wanted to lay there forever.
You're getting old. Was it located in a nice school district for your future offspring?
The problem with drugs is that there's none in this hotel
The problem with drugs is that showing my boobs only gets so much of them
If a marine in My bed is not considered a valid excuse for missing class then I don't want to live in America anymore
if you arent using your penis to save lives, then what good is it?
He just compared our sex to a grand slam on Wii fitness
You're doing it right
Fall is here I will miss walking downtown in nothing but paint and pasties
Just had a reminder come up that just said "Ham"
If hypothetically I needed to puke on the bus... how would I go about doing this.
Randomize
