Just remembered I told my boss that matt used to make me toss his salad like every time we hooked up. Nice
ok, I understand that your bathroom door is broken, but at least close the blinds next time you take a shit. The entire parking garage just watched you.
Well I put her head right through the headboard. Thank god the room was under her name.
She woke up with blood running down her face and asked the EMS guy where the keg was
take 2 Ambien then drink a Red Bull and watch Alice in Wonderland. Trust me.
Just took an adderall with a shot of tequila while doing my makeup in the parking lot at work before I go in. I'm also late. They're so lucky to have me.
They have some sort of agreement that they can sleep with other people if it helps then achieve their goal, or something like that
How awkward
Yeah it's pretty fucked up
So, last night I fell asleep sitting Indian-style on the floor, propped up against the front of the couch with an empty wine bottle in between my legs... How was your night?
Just watched my entire extended family eat salad out of the bowl i threw up in last night.
He was hammered and shot his pistol into the lawn. Next thing I know sheriffs are at our house with M4s. He likes to party
Can I just text her like "yo sorry I fucked your boyfriend, let's go get sushi" or like nah
I woke up on my girls floor with a pound of muenster cheese in my shirt pocket
Can I fire a pigeon out of a t shirt gun?
Pants are for mortals
How do I tell this guy that if he does not like the condoms at my apartment, he should bring his own without sounding like a sure thing?
Say it's BYOC night at the beach. And, you are a sure thing. Own it.
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