i called my brother from the living room and paid him a dollar to turn off the light in my room. ive hit rock bottom
driving around with you guys listening to the beach boys made me very concious of how white you all are.
Home. Barefoot. Drunk. Crying. Puked. Brushed teeth. Washed face. Dying. Need Cuddle.
I'd just like to inform all involved that walking into a liquor store holding a milk crate at the beginning of a night as stock ends badly
This morning my mouth tasted like fruit trees, battery acid, and magnums. Transferring schools was the best decision Ive ever made.
He used the phrase "no problemo" in a sext. It's over.
There really needs to be a redbox for wine because I want some but too lazy to walk into a store
I just tried to brush my hair with a can opener. Who gave you that brownie
Also this time, I didn't have a random creepy guy come up from behind me, grab my junk, and whisper "where's the cocaine?" in my ear. So that's also a win.
I do NOT want my proposal story to start "...he was peeing on me and then..."
So much Jack, so little girl.
Hey, taking organic chemistry means no one is allowed to tell you you're partying too hard.
It's not even 8 pm, or Saint Patrick's Day, and Kevin is drunk on my roof humping the air
I know you do it only because of my toyota, but thank you for fucking me. Seriously.
Are you still passed out in my back seat, or do I need to come find you?
Randomize
