3:40 am: you never wrote back on my facebook wall
im sorry i didnt take advantage of you..iwaned to
i wanted you to too
o shit let me call u back theres a hamburger in my pocket
Just taught my suite how to queef. I feel like i'm back in 9th grade!
there was already a condom in her . . and it was bigger than me
we are sitting in a kindergarden classroom alone chugging beer. look at our lives. look at our choices.
Going to.goingto.gtoing to DIE DIE DIEEEE......i feel like everyeone impotrant in my life like MLK is judging me.... saddd day
After they flagged you, you hid in a bathroom stall and text me to bring you more shots. That kind of drunk.
You remember that guy i fucked in Ireland who stopped in the middle to talk about why he had 8 pillows on his bed? Yeah he's following me on twitter...
Of course the bar would go completely silent right as I yell out "I don't have AIDS"
This is irresponsible on your part, leaving me alone in a bar.
Yeah I figured you were blackout when you were Shakira dancing on the floor.
Nothing wrong with a few meaningless hookups. Keeps the mind occupied and the body satisfied
I WAS KIDDING ABOUT SLUTEMBER BUT ITS ACTUALLY HAPPENING
Then it hit me - his penis wasn't a shiny new toy anymore and I wanted a new one.
Randomize
