What would you have done with a 40 foot neon parrot anyway?
It's the foolproof way to identify who didn't get laid last night
So, i took all the condoms from his nightstand, not in the crazy ex way, but in the I paid for them way.
I had fun this weekend too. According to Web MD, my symptoms say I had a miscarriage.
This is the last weekend of getting drunk and having sex all nite with the plumber. I'm exhausted all weekend and I'm never going to finish the remodel at this rate
you know its summer when you wake up on the toilet
Eye surgery went well. Just can't believe it took getting lasers through my eyes to temporarily stop the vivid sex dreams I was having
this year we will have multiple halloween identities. lesbian couple meets brian and stewie
My sheer presence has sent the hipsters running in terror. I expect no problems.
He looks like he was the one that always had koolaid stains around his mouth as a kid, he can fuck off.
If y'all wanna know how far the apple fell from the tree I'm sexting during Easter service. Mom would be so proud 😳
he's annoying when i'm sober but vaguely hot when i'm drunk so yes i do have a preference and it goes by the name of vodka
Dennis picked up a 50 year old woman. Then he and Dan got in a fight and jumped out of the limo. No one knows what happened to them.
Julius Caesar had a huge penis
WTF are you reading?
Ha ha! No, the guy in the Caesar costume last night. We hooked up. His dick was huge
I often wonder if we’re introverted extroverts, but I don’t think so. I think we’re just easily tired scumbags
Randomize
