The bird has been looking kind of ugly lately...gotta look nice to fly with the hawk ya know?
She forced me to throw up so it would "rejuvenate" me. It worked and then we took six more shots and did a keg stand. You know what I call that? Friendship.
I just passed on expense account drinking, this must be the worst hangover ever.
The straight man in me wants to hit on her. But the gay man in me wants to compliment her on her awesome outfit.
if there weren't so many witnesses I 100% wouldve punted that squirrel
Time to do stuff I know I'll have to hide from my grandkids one day and everyone at next weekends wedding.
There is no way that a naked man in your kitchen can be explained-away as a "misunderstanding."
A beer is a heart your wish makes!!!
He's claiming he can open a beer bottle with anything. He's been trying for a while now with a power rangers action figure and he is just cutting the hell out of his hand. There is blood all over billy
I think I broke my hip playing drunk ping pong
At least I'm fat on the outside. You can NEVER change being fat on the inside.
I made out with my former step mother's best friend. Only knew the connection when they both showed up together at the bar.
Ok, in complete transparency, I am eating a cookie on my bed naked while reading a Halo novel.
I think I got a sinus infection from puking out my nose on st. Patricks day #thisis26
How high do u want to get? Just kind of high or yelling at swans high...
Swans
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