Its really not funny anymore. I need to stop shaving while i'm drunk
i don't think it's normal to still be missing spring break.
Stage 55 clinger. not a typo. I cannot even believe this shit.
the best sex is "duke just lost" sex.
Oh shit. There are penis maracas
Naked Twister starts at high noon
Did you find any other hidden treasures in my room? Specifically weed? Or Slim Jims?
I've woke up in his bed 4 out of the past 6 mornings. I feel like this might be the time to learn more about him then his first name and what kind of beer he drinks.
Do you know how disconcerting it is to hear the sound a dog makes while it drinks water and find out that it's someone eating you out?
Nothing is creepier than a guy telling you "I was just thinking about you" in a men's bathroom when taking a shit
Whoa, I am aware of WAY too many squirrels right now...
Winning pick four numbers were just 6969... if I were 18 I could've won 20,000 dollars.
I almost had to fight a bird, and you know how scared I am of birds. It found that Percocet that I lost in the grass last week, I threw out my back when I launched myself at that little fucker.
she's a drunken disney princess. so basically me if i had a crown and no desire for independence.
you asked if you could borrow my vagina for the night
Randomize
