yay, now i'm not the only homewrecker.
yeah but i stopped sleeping with him after i found out he was married.
How are you going to pay for strippers in Vegas when you were just begging for McDoubles?
i only understood the part that said mucho orgasmos
They are providing beer and having a margarita machine. This cannot be passed up.
It was everywhere, it looked like he just took the leftovers and threw them around the bathroom... Festively...
I just texted him and asked him to keep some in case I need help sealing the deal.
Girl Scout cookies are like roofies for fat chicks.
I'm not mad at you for letting me use my air mattress as a toilet, i'm mad at you for letting me lay back down on it.
do you remember when we thought we were both knocked up by the same guy like two days apart and would have half twins? Thats a best friend moment.
The party went downhill once the fire department had to be called to put out the kitchen fire.
You gave me your shirt to use as a napkin every time I spilled beer on myself. Before we went to the bar.
All of her cloths were on our coffee table this morning. The only things she left with last night were her shoes and Scott
My ex came over to hook up...then I went on a date 2 hours later and got a bj. Single: Finally doing it right.
Asking me to suck on my nipples isn't going to make me less mad at you.
Went upstairs to make PopTarts, found the door open. Shut it. Saw a grey thing. Opened the door, found a girl sleeping outside. What the fuck happened last nigh
We were playing fuck marry kill and he was eavesdropping so I said I would fuck him
It was like catching dick in a barrel
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