The world would be so much better with thought bubbles.
I need you to promise me that the first one to find out our kids smoke weed, takes the weed so we can smoke it ourselves
i just shit on the floor of my room. my roommate was in the bathroom, my choices were limited.
idk if its the weather or the "im still drunk" or the morning sex i just had with my roommates gf but that was def the most enjoyable walk in the rain ever
he urdandictionary'ed 'tease' on his phone and made me read through all the definitions. Am i really that bad?
You slept in the bed with him... with your top off.... and just made out with him....
She loves me even though she knows all Ive done. Shes kind of like jesus.
We almost forgot to tip the maids, so we left the rest of the gin, some tonic water and a lime. They earned it
I'm sitting in my room naked waiting for him. When he gets here im going to make him do 20 pushups and lick my clit for a hour
Logically he should not be walking around...after that fall he should be in a hospital in a medically induced coma
Just made a drunk dude do 20 push-ups. In the parking lot of the bar tonight for a keystone light I found in the back of my truck.
Oh yum
I am walking funny today. And it's sad because it's from the bad encounter with the sidewalk rather than a good encounter with a stripper
My dream of watching a live dick sword fight might never be realized now. Currently sobbing, shots to follow
You have not lived until you and a ginger miget chick are jumping and waving your arms in a pitch black bathroom to turn on the motion lights. Yes, today I have officially lived.
ever since I turned 21 the mother-daughter bonding sessions always end with whiskey and my little pony. I don't know why, it's just a thing that happens
Had to admit my broken elbow was caused by vodka, not hockey
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