I did something last night that I shouldn't have, but I don't want to tell you because you'll probably just make it your fb status...
I see you've learned your lesson.
i need to break up with him. i realized this while i was making a mental grocery list while we were having sex. this is not the first time i've done that.
I just spewed blue gatorade in the shower. It looked like the ocean.
One blow job doesn not make me gay.
at some point i feel off my bar stool straight into the arms of a gay guy. just my luck.
where are you guys? the police just woke me up on the couch outside.
Yeah i was handcuffed to the bed all night but i actually slept like a baby
So I just bought e from my sophomore home ec teacher. How's your weekend going?
Are you still free tonight?
Oh shit I kinda forgot and took acid
The worst part was when I went to go spit it out and rinse my mouth, his grandpa was in the bathroom, so I had to fucking wait. It was awful. I finally ran to the kitchen and prayed his parents didn't come out of their room.
She walked out and announced that he was now part of our confused, incestuous, glorious eskimo family. I've never been more proud.
Campus is too small for this to keep happening
Yes I peed all over myself and lost both my credit cards, who wants to know?
Yeah, great now I will be tampon girl
I'm not gonna swipe right, he has better hair than me. Just no.
hey man , the girl you brought home last night is in the kitchen puking in the sink and asking if she can have more shots of Whiskey....think i should give her a shot glass or send her home....
Randomize
