Wait, how do girls masturbate?
I dunno we use shower heads I guess.
..how does it fit?
i got so high last night i cried hysterically for like 5 minutes because i dont have any superpowers
The words "my birth control fell out" should never be spoken
Then, he just started shoving orange pieces in my mouth as a chaser
so I was at the house for 3min to grab my bathing suit & tequila. You know, the go-to weekend combination
For your information i will be shotgunning whiskey on may 21st.
I just threw up in the bathroom next to the zebra exhibit. The kids don't know I skipped a beat. Best nanny, ever.
It was a deal breaker when she told me not to wear a condom and god would decide if we were meant to be together.
She had forties taped to her hands and was trying to give him a hand job while he was passed out, with everyone in the living room.
i feel like i got punched in the cervix. he's a little different in bed than i thought he would be..
I am so proud of him. After eating the rest of our shrooms, he finally registered to vote
It's official. This guy and I are going gay for each other. We're tasting the fucking rainbow.
She finally pulled over after almost hitting 4 cars and a semi and asked me if i was rwady i told her to let my penis to come back out
I'm truly not mad that he's at a strip club, it's that he couldn't look far enough into the future to figure out how to get himself home from one
Her tits are absolutely massive. Like ripleys believe it or not shit
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