I promise you 4 toothbrushes taped together and lube does not do the trick
We met on a dual walk of shame. It has to be love, we can't let that go to waste. I want to tell our children that story.
Nicee. Atleast your phone doesn't change pen in to PENISsSSSSSSS like mine does
i still can't believe we survived that barcrawl. the third bar had bullet holes and we still went in.
Her stepmother interrupted our sex to tell her it was midnight and she wanted to do a sympathy shot for her 50th.
Don't break up.
I always hoped that one day I'd have a sex position named in my honor.
For future reference "bring our litter sisters on our date day" is not such a good idea
Bailing my boss from jail at five in the morning.. If thats not a promotion I don't what is.
You just can't come from being "the girl who shit her pants."
just woke up on the floor of my shower...it was still runnning
i wasnt sure i had a crush on her until i woke up this morning and saw i had googled fifteen variations of "lesbian marriage in estonia". where the fuck is estonia
idk but im stoned n hiding in the bathroom from my kids with a really big bowl of really little candy bars
I got up and left his place at 3am because I remembered I had a burrito in my car.
For a second fuck I think last night went extremely well... our sexual relationship is progressing at a pace that im quite satisfied with.
I wish I got tanner on friday but I feel like I spent most of my time puking in the bathroom. I love my life
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