I know, he also has a fancy car to make up for his tiny penis
how are you not completely traumatized after 8 years of friendship with me?
We raised our shot glasses and you screamed out "TO MY DAD FINALLY GOING TO REHAB!"
It finally happened. My conscience stopped working. I've never felt so free
I threw up sweet potatoes. Worst thing to throw up ever. They came back mashed.
I did the crab walk everywhere because I was drunk enough that it was easier than standing up.
i just keep picturing us drunk surrounded by kittens.
In complete seriousness I think I am the highest person on earth
You know what's fun. When your getting a new mattress and you forget you put your vibrator under your old mattress and the moving guy finds it
finding an unopened condom on the ground can really change your outlook on the night
I don't care if my next phone has to run on the blood of virgin koala bears, I don't want to be scrambling for a charger.
I need a nap, Harry Potter movies, and dick in this exact order after work.
Chasing down vodka with apple juice and crying. Alone.
i woke up this morning wearing my pants as a scarf and my shirt as a daiper, my boyfriends contact name in my phone is "human sacrifice" and yours is "i like eggs"....can someone please tell me what happened last night
This whole thing is fucking bullshit. I should be wasting all my hard-earned money at Planet Con this weekend but NOOOOOOOOO. Now I'll never get Roy Thomas to sign my comic
Randomize
