Dating a girl 4 years younger than you is like living in a Taylor Swift song...
I was just on craigslist and saw and ad for a naked yoga instructor. I will no longer be jobless.
she's sitting alone using her breathalyzer as a kazoo. help.
Just put the gallon of milk in the microwave. Dad might know im high.
He's stoned as shit, eating breakfast cereal and taking a dump. All while listening to dubstep. We may never understand him.
I used the picture of my mom and I doing blow job shots in Vegas in the presentation for my Spanish final. Graduation here I come.
he might be the rich husband I pretend to love for the rest of my life!!!!
I don't want to tell anyone! People who sleep with senators either end up in porn or guantanamo
Dude, he threw a pool chair off of an 8 story building. It was a successful night I'd say.
I am so excited I do not know how I will sleep.
It's like the Christmas morning of dicks
My Internet history has 23 searches for 24 hour cake. Self respect plummeting.
Wow i don't think I've had to send this many texts apologizing for my behavior since high school...
This guy at the airport was telling me 3/4 dudes in his group got rufied at some strip club. One guy woke up in the hospital, another found himself in a random parking garage, the other got back to the room and they all shit their pants. Go Vegas.
it's unicorns you uncultured swine
Just puked most of my soul out..
Randomize
