seriously iPhone. stop autocorrecting all my fucks into ducks. you're making all my strong worded texts look harmless and adorable.
Only now do I see "not intended for use on skin" warning. Wonderful. But hey, my dick smells like magic marker.
Waitress cut us off at Chili's bar. New low
It was so romantic--he turned me around to face the sunset during doggy-style over the couch back.
I threw up under water while wearing a hockey helmet last night. Awesome.
shes still asleep dad put a lobster in her bathroom
It's raining beautiful colors and I don't know what the fuck is going on
That stripper was not happy when I tried putting a dollar in her court mandated ankle bracket/tracking device
that's the second time I've made out with him and woken up with my pants stuffed with PBRs I am convinced he's magic
I changed his name in my phone to "Irrelevant" last night. Not changing it back.
Honestly my life is shambles over a married man who looked like a fuckin NERD ON HIS WEDDING DAY
My ex husband is now my side piece. #thisis30
I think I offered a man a blowjob for his power ranger suite last night...
I've had pants off for 3 hours now. America.
While the cops were busting my party one of them said. O you have an Xbox? Do you play online? Whats your gamertag?....
Randomize
