Writing a book: The Evolution of the Douche Bag: From Popped Collars to Ed Hardy Shirts. Doing research now.
Make sure you include chapters on white sunglasses, spray tans, and toxic amounts of hair gel.
he made me salute his american flag boxers before i took them off
You going to midnight mass? we need a dd
I just peed in the Schreyer honors college shrubbery. Thanks honors students, you're finally good for something
you left your shoes but remembered to take your vodka. i see where your priorities are.
I think when she wakes up, she'll either kill me, or laugh. I hope she laughs.
Dude, I went home and roller-bladed into her bedroom so I didn't have a 'walk' or shame in the morning..I wouldn't talk to her unless she refereed to me as Brink
Finally better. I had to use eye makeup remover to get the purple wine stains off my lips
Sent him a picture of my pregnant boobs from last year, think he'll notice the difference?
IT IS CHRISTMAS EVE AND I AM SUPPOSED TO BE HAVING SEX WITH AN ATTRACTIVE BLACK MAN IN THE NEXT FEW DAYS AND I JUST GOT MY PERIOD. WHEN PEOPLE ASK ME WHY I DON'T BELIEVE IN GOD I WILL TELL THEM OF THIS DAY.
He followed me on twitter after I posted a drunk screen shot of a tweet. It's like he gave me permission to stalk him on a whole different level.
I feel like drug tests are a little less "random" when you are employed by your father.
I would have cried, probably tears of wine, but cried nonetheless.
Ever since the Christmas fiasco of '08, I can no longer watch Rudolf the Red nosed reindeer without getting a hard on
Well I've decided to refuse to conform to society and be naked the rest of the day.
Randomize
