and the officer said have you been drinking
and i said NOO SIR.
and he said, I am a woman.
If burritos were dicks, we'd have a serious relationship problem on our hands. Just saying.
well i had to explain to their mom why the kids i babysit for won't stop repeating the phrase "nice juicy guido"
He always grinds on me and is like "This is awesome because we're both Catholic!"
I miss the smell of you or some shit.
oh my god. separately texting an Allie and an Ally while drunk is hard, and I'm climbed 1/2 way up a bridge pier.
I need a therapist, but moreover we are going to be really drunk.
The penis is a tricky weapon to use. When using it as leverage you have to make it seem emotional. I'd rather use it as a club sometimes.
And my only real exposure to Russian culture is you and Internet porn.
I built a fence. For the bunnies we're going to adopt. I'll fill you in when you get home.
Last night I went to spank her while she was riding me and sack-tapped myself.
She left a blunt and poutine on my nightstand with a note saying "went to the gym. be ready for round three when I get back" I love Canadian chicks
I feel awful. The bartender added me on Facebook and there's chips all over the bathroom floor
i'm drinking soco out of a mickey mouse cup right now. i love it when college and my childhood meet in the middle.
You took acid last night and I’m up early to go to the grand opening of a new TJMaxx by my house. We couldn’t be more perfect.
Randomize
