need another drink. this is the easiest way
shes hot in the i'd deny it if anyone asked kinda way
Yeah I'm pretty sure at one point I was telling her to keep her dick in her pants. She was going to do some serious damage.
OH MY GOD MY GRANDMA JUST SHOWED ME HER BOOB OH. MY. GOD.
My dads not up on pop culture but he's not dumb enough to believe your 2 girls 1 cup reference at dinner was from the bible.
... why is there a bottle of pee on my headboard?
I went in the closet and cried, then the bathroom and cried, and lastly he showed me his penis and I cried. It was a weird night.
Just lectured your brother about using condoms when hooking up with girls he meets online. I should be a fucking life coach
We were still up at 6am, taking shots, because thats apparently how he liked to "get the day started".
You continued to run around saying "free the nipple" while "taste testing" every liquor on the premises.
sorry for pouring tequila vodka and whiskey down your throat and left you to sleep on a table
I'm sorry I was just sleeping on the kitchen floor I'm too dead to think
I swear, I make more use of my creative writing major with sexting than I do with anything else
He shit with the door open. I think that means we are in a realtionship.
I told my parents how nice the girl at the frogurt store was. I neglected to mention that I nearly lost my virginity to her via foursome.
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