Forever 21 now has a maternity line. Even more of an incentive for me to get pregnant at a young age.
She's been divorced three times and use to raise cock fighters. Of course I'm interested in her
So tasty. Tasty like a vagina with ninjas in it
Remember that amazing deer? You peed next to that dear..
i'm sorry, but my penis isnt the solution to your problems
Wasn't a date. In exchange for artichoke dip I received a bj. And sex. It was a transaction.
I woke up and the only 2 bowls I own were shattered on my floor. Pretty sure my hand and tailbone are broken and I have no idea what the fuck happened
I just woke up tangled in fishing line while wearing someone else's bathing suit with fishes drawn all over me. What kind of sex did we have?
Omg do you remember last night you kept pointing to your vag asking who wants to play this like a fiddle hahaha
they saw the dick pic he sent and started calling him 'subway'
There is an unwrapped tampon, a condom, a rubber chicken and a slim Jim currently sitting on our dining room table.
Where am I? And why the fuck did you leave me here?
Relax. I left you somewhere safe plus you have all my weed so you know I will come back for you.
Ik youre sleeping but fyi its 5:32am I'm sitting in the middle of the road bra less and shoeless with boxers in my hand and no ride. Shits real crazy.
I'll be naked. By 11. Then arrested. Drunk tank adventures
You some how ended up sleeping on one of the beams that run along the ceiling of your house
Randomize
