he actually used the line "do you have a map, because i'm lost in your eyes" and i was to drunk to care
But guess what. I'm gonna roll over and go to sleep cuz there's no cuddling in phone sex.
If it makes you feel better, I doubt anything could survive in your uterus.
im gonna call it quits for tonight... I am so drunk I dont even have the motor skills to masturbate
I can trace it back to that drunken night where we peed on each other in the shower.
Cause your way of greeting people at the club was grabbing a tit and jiggling it while yelling a name, which usually wasn't theirs, and guys weren't safe either.
Dude you have to come get or im gonna nail this 64 y/o woman as repayment for buying me shots of jager
She was a little hefty, so I turned on the strobe light in our room. Everything looks better with a strobe light.
I'd just like to formally thank you for the size of your dick. The gods must really love you.
Thou shall not get drunk and hit bitch cup in pong and take shirt off while wearing a see-through lace bra again
You can't do wine Netflix and blow jobs in the bed you've had since 5th grade with your parents downstairs
Apparently I drunkenly agreed to help the homeless. For once, I'm not disappointed in drunk me. Four for you, drunk self. You go, drunk self!
How do I figure out the name of this sleeping naked guy in my bed?
I think it might be the guy sitting next to me. I've concluded he HAS to be smuggling insane amounts of onions in his wardrobe to smell like that
You kept shouting about how you were the king of all bitches...and doors, for some reason.
Randomize
