My "High Times" magazine came in today, as well as my girlfriend's new sex toys. We're calling in sick today.
no seriously he was fingering me like he was really really frantically looking for a song on his iPod.
We are the drunkest people in Toys R' Us right now
She went off on a twilight/new moon tangent before we even got back to my room. i had to jump the ship and pretended to pass out on the sidewalk.
Ok. In one sink is a hairdrier. Still plugged in. The other is filled with broken glass. What do I do?!
Nvm. Bloody hand trumps dead. Also, where is gauze.
I'm partying with my neighbors right now, and by "with my neighbors" I mean they are partying in their backyard and I'm partying in mine, and by "partying" I mean I'm sitting here alone drinking tequila.
I feel like the only solution to this is to get naked and lay in the shower for a hour then see what my penis wants to do.
RIGHT?!?! I'M ACTUALLY UPSET I DON'T GET TO MAKE THE 2.3 MILE TREK TO SUCK HIS COCK, yes I google earthed it.
i got a standing ovation for bringing skittles to the party
She's in the bathroom. Literally just told me she could make a guy cum using just her words. Not bad for Sunday brunch.
I was thinking that, but I'm not sure the proper etiquette on asking about someone's nipple rings. Even if you did see them and compliment them once.
The council and I are about to open up a bottle of malort.
UPGATe: THE COUNCIL AND I HAVE AGREED TO BAHN MALORT FROM THE HOUSEHOLD
I was told today that I'm the ugliest bartender in the area, so, I guess I have that going for me.
Scary. I hope people take me seriously. Maybe I should black out less to be sure
How early is too early to start day drinking? Asking for a friend
About five minutes ago. You’re good now.
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