oh my god I didn't know your sister was this good at french kissing
I ahte it when I peed a little on my shews. I got a litll bit on the automen in your room too.:/
Tracy!! I don't have an ottoman in my room.
Ohhh....do you have a dog shaped liek un automan?
Bonnaroo quote of the day: "why the fuck am i pregnant?!?!" - exclaimed loudly by random hippie.
i always forget guys have bellybuttons
Maryland truck stops are full of people with killer mustaches
My professor just suggested making the state of the union more interesting by turning it into a drinking game. Brilliant!!
he literally had a slideshow of all the girls hes had sex with pictures set to american woman
I should have known I was in trouble when you started pouring shots all over me
Me focusing on not shitting my pants is keeping me awake.
I'm about to initiate a game of drunk UNO.
Drunk UNO has officially been banned from now until forever.
No longer allowed at circus circus apparently fuvking in the elevator is frowned upon.
Lead with your genitals is the best advice I can give you.
He tried to reenact Braveheart's freedom scream but got tackled by his drunk roommate who thought he was yelling that the handle he was holding up was free.
It will be interesting
Isn't that your life's motto?
She's not allowed to do acid anymore... she started crying because she thought she was an eagle.
Randomize
