Theres a random in my bed. Omg but at least he's a law student?
I introduced my face to asphalt last night. They didn't get along.
Grandma was not a fan of the beer-can ornaments. Not "traditional".
"fuck a duck" is spelled out in chinese food on my counter... im kind of nervous to search the rest of my house......
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i dont need a football game to get drunk and yell at my tv
she refuses to pay for the plan b and so do i. it's the most dangerous game of chicken i've ever been involved in. but i have my pride.
Cops do not care. One just laughed and said "precious"
i just found this napkin with your number on it in my jacket pocket. it reads amy, drawing of a wine bottle and a house
Cant wait to drunkenly tell by kids that i banged their aunt katie in a weird threesome
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There's a homeless man outside the bar. I have a toothbrush and toothpaste in my car. I think i'm going to give them to him. And they said drinking is bad.
You're so thoughtful.
I guess I could probably fit that in between deep self reflection and teenage mutant ninja turtles
Do you remember making out with the dude in the back of my cab last night?? You said his mustache tickled your tongue.
Way to go. Now you have no beer and I have a cold tit.
Considering all of my stomach contents ended up in my center console, I'm a bit peckish.
I'm not over that dildo rifle story. I don't think I ever will be.
Randomize