Who said anything about talking that was a booty call
At my boss' house at a bbq. Had a few beers. Taking a poop - there's no TP...this is my nightmare.
I need to go to a fraternity... my boobs are telling me to.
Dude why does my asshole itch so bad?
I'll teach you how to wipe better
Literally like 10 people walking in my building talking about how much they hate draco
Tonight has been like a good ass fucking high school movie
you know what sucks? talking to chicks you dont want to have sex with
so he made me dinner last pm @whch point i askd if i could help out. he hands me his fucking laundry and asks me 2 do it
only you. it could only happen to you.
My new excuse for sleeping with him was in celebration of his cat's birthday.
The only thing the cop asked me is..... "how are you still alive"?
who loves string cheese????? I LOVE STRING CHEESE!!!
you know...if you didn't give such great head little things like this would ruin our friends with benefits relationship.
why is there a fishing net hanging from my ceiling fan?
sidebar: i fucked your brother last night
walk of shame across osu's campus on game day. i can see all the spots i threw up last night. its like my personal yellow brick road.
Ur betting me $100 that I can't do ur sister?
Randomize
