she didnt even puke last nite, shes finally hit champion status. i think im in love
You know the guy who poops at a party and then leaves and you go in, do your business, and come out and there are girls outside that think you pooped and no one talks to you? I'm the guy who poops before you go in, because I'm in a relationship and I hate you.
Tonight has been like a good ass fucking high school movie
After you took the handle off the bathroom door I had to coach the Scottish guy sitting on the toilet, throwing up in his own lap, how to put his pants back on. Yes, I think he won the drinking game.
I can always make him wear a mask... I'll tell him it's a fetish.
Nothing will ever prepare you for the moment when you are sitting on your friends bathroom floor with no pants on eating string cheese & pita at 2am.
He's the kind of drunk guy that would pee in your mouth while you give him head.
It really does creep me out though that the next ten years will involve my friends creating smaller versions of themselves because to be honest I don't know how much I like some of them. So that thought it really scary
I wish I saved his nudes so I could anonymously submit them to his tumblr
I feel like I spent all day wearing underpants made entirely of poison ivy and sandpaper
it went well until I said "me" instead of "my" and he kept sexting me in character as a pirate
Alcohol and IMDB don't always mix with 100% accuracy
BOOOOOOOOOOOO *takes away your hoe card*
Sorry you uh had to see that last night. That's the problem with open fields, no privacy...
Pro tip: When you spend the afternoon banging your boss, don’t meet your mother-in-law for dinner if you still smell like cum and watermelon flavored lube
Randomize
