Ehh boy. FML. she was unattractively large.
i found the vodka. it was hiding in the orange juice.
SO stoned. Sitting in just a thong in front of a fan. NO work for a WEEK! Life is good :)
Hate sex is AWESOME! I faked it, and when she fell asleep i came in her purse.
He snuck into my grandmothers house, broke her lamp, fucked me, then had breakfast with us the next morning. I am an awful granddaughter.
Chapter 6 - how to lose your underwear in chicago
Like not in a "I wanna have sex with you way" more like a "I wanna cuddle your mustache way"
I'm doing the Macarena naked in my living room right now
I see you're taking unemployment seriously.
Do you have any puffy paint? I want to put "fiesta muthafuckas" on my sombrero but its too much to bedazzle.
she genuinely believed that kangaroos are a cross between a deer and a T-rex
Called Apple, my penis pics are safe.
Dead. I am actually dead. Also, worst nightmare confirmed: throwing up in a four hundred person lecture.
How's Vegas?
Woke up with a sculpture of my own head. Been trying to find Ashley for two days. so pretty not too bad.
Must be why he thought choking was foreplay. Like WTF? No.
so this hot guy who looks like brad pitt circa troy era in my physics lab is staring at me right now and it's taking all the willpower I have not to procreate with him right now.
Randomize
