New record: 45 minutes. Afterwards I played We Are The Champions while we cuddled.
Well if all fails we can always become surrogate mothers. I hear that pays well.
No i'm not calming down the girl at white castle did not need to see the picture of my dick on your phone.
Speaking is such a hard concept right now
Look at my fb. It says single. That's the gospel.
We need to step up our tailgating...they're here drinking out of a prosthetic leg
If you've ever wanted to get filthy in a Catholic church before 2 on a Wednesday, I might be your guy.
You can kiss the security deposit goodbye after you and your boyfriend did donuts on his moped in the middle of the apartment. It was impressive since you were both too drunk to walk.
I wore home his HoHoHo boxers. I've never felt such a connection to an article of clothing.
I'm still getting random messages from guys about my Halloween outfit. Electrical tape is coming back next year
Dear God, please let me get my period. And if this one is fiercer than usual I completely understand.
Justin just used the term "industrial strength colon blow".
he kissed both of us goodnight when we dropped him off...I didn't know if I was more offended or impressed
So adding to the list of things my boobs can do, sweeping with a broom is apparently a thing.
My penis definitely considers my Captain Cock costume a success
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