The things that come out of my body both amaze and disturb me.
They should make Glad Forceflex condoms.
You came into my room at 3am.. drunk.. and asked to do spanish homework together. Props for being a good student.
haha you were so trashed that you deleted all of your christian music from itunes and kept saying"c-ya God, nice knowin ya"
I had my own version of the Hangover last night. I woke up to a disassembled Christmas tree, shit on the futon, and a hamster in the bathroom with a necklace on that said "Feed Me Bitch." I don't own a hamster. I don't know what I drank last night, but I want to do it again.
chinese tourists just took a picture of me....im pretty sure i heard the bus drive say something about shame.
Tonight marks the 1 yr anniversary of me waking up in a bush. is that reason enough to celebrate?
We're about to have a bottle rocket fight on jetskis. You have 5 minutes to get on our level.
Christ, I really took the slutcake last night.
Wait. Someome brought slutcake?
It summer and it's getting a lot harder to hide sex bruises from my parents.
First world problems?
Currently studying Econ, while waiting outside current booty call's residence for him to return from the strip club. This is your fault.
Oh and someone pissed in my shoes, so I'll let you figure that out.
I was telling my friend about your penis and the only word I could think of was voluptuous. You have a voluptuous dick.
I am listening to my ipod while i puke, this is most entertaining hangover i have ever had.
Just filed for child support I hope he gets the paperwork on Father's Day
Randomize
