I too understand the importance of cheesy bread
Circus confirmed... Jello shots before 9 pm are not cocktails for sucess
Just saw a woman walking a golden retriever and a vacuum down the road. I miss downtown.
i think you ate grass..but you refused to open your mouth so we could see..
You don't have to believe me. My vagina knows it happened.
Just think. Tomorrow you'll wake up, shower, and get your brains fucked out. That's your ice cream. Today is your peas and carrots.
The guy you hooked up with is asleep in the tub. I just pee'd and he said 'turn off the tap' before snoring again.
I'm dealing with this like an adult, cupcakes and beer.
Get a piano. I want to have sex on it.
Yaaaayyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy! It has more than one y so my intentions to sleep with you after the drink special ends are clear
NOLA update. Went to Corey Smith at the house of blues last night. Drank PBR and took lots of shots of Jack. Too drunk, cabbed it to the hotel and fell asleep while having sex. Not my finest moment. Now I'm in court. I can't wait to be your attorney.
I mean, if there was a version of you with a penis, you'd fuck it...right? Like just outta curiosity at least
I never imagine I'd say this, but can I ask Jeff for the butt plugs back even though it was a gift and we broke up?
He has no idea I'm scrolling through Instagram while he's going down on me. I'm so bored.
so i showed up to the bars in a sombrero and a tie as a headband... so yeah, they didn't let me in
Randomize
