i've never smoked before...when you said wake and bake i thought you meant like a funeral bbq or something
I wish i could 80s montage me losing weight
If I don't have herpes this will be the single greatest day of my life
Of course he wants me there for his birthday. If a girl offers you a blowjob for every year of your life, you're gonna want her to be there.
Fact: Chilis at the airport in JAX will serve you shots of jack at 6:45 with breakfast. Ya I missed my flight.
So when does your new flight leave?
At my shot/hour ratio.... I leave in 16 shots. I love flying
I dunno. The only plans I have for sure after finals are smoking a bowl and eating a 5 pound gummy bear. btw I bought a 5 pound gummy bear
Yes, you can 69 in a fiat. But I think I have permanent nerve damage
I'm going out w/ her for her b-day in a bit. I just talked to one of her drunk friends on the phone who asked if I could "handle 7 lesbian." This could be interesting.
Tornado booty call.. dedication
The best part of last night was the women's softball game on the TV at the strip club
The only thing you accomplished yesterday was dry humping me on the floor of my work place WHILE I was working.
my neighbors having band practice on sunday morning is a message from the universe that I should stop drinking
Just killed a snake in my bed! And by killed I mean hit repeatedly with my fist. And by snake I mean a lump in the covers. And I pissed my pants.
Roommate charged out of his room in pajamas yelling "MAKE IT RAIN" and just threw $4,000 in fifties onto my head. My Friday night.
No instead we fucked in the elevator.. it was wrong on so many levels..
How tall was the building? Maybe it was only wrong on some of them
Randomize
