Hey sorry for feelin' up your date. Sadly, this is a mass txt.
so, totally just picked up a pack of red bull, and some magnum condoms and the old woman at the register's tone went from "hi blah how are you" to "oh....how YOU DOIN'?" she knew what was up
what's Bukake?
a bad idea.
do you think my med school application would be worse off if "I like helping others and shit" slipped into an essay I emailed last night?
Even Lady Gaga hates Purdue
by the end of the night two people were passed out at the table, three on the couches, and one in the bathroom. it looked like someone pumped sleeping gas into the middle of a dinner party.
Text me back. Urgent. It is a porta Keep the portal alive.
Is this the acid talking?
Seriously. Texted me 4 times and that didn't wake me up so he nicely called and left a voicemail saying he WOULD call me 8 times. So when he called back I answered.
I kinda took a step back after our "surprise bottles night"
In honor of the new administration, I'm going to make it my goal this weekend to get some lesbian action. Fuck Donald Trump and fuck Mike Pence. I'm going to be a spiteful gay.
Unless it involves a lot of whiskey, an ACDC concert, and a guy named Juan from the Philippines, then I'm not interested.
Woke up to find that I was cock blocked by no more than three people.
Remind me to do laundry tomorrow so i have something decent to take off when i get laid.
I feel so accomplished. I've cleaned my room, done laundry, called those places, gotten jobs, and masturbated.
I'm so proud of you.
I don't wanna see it, I don't wanna touch it, I just want it in me.
Randomize
