It was so delicious I was introducing it to people. Guy from my psych class was like "This is my girlfriend, Erica," and I was like, "This is my milkshake, Oreo."
There is a bruise on my cock the size of a golfball. Bad sign.
you kept insisting that i was jake gyllenhaal and you were heath ledger.
he told her to call him "Frog Legs" and she still fucked him and not you.
If you're still on campus there's a jack and coke in the bathroom of fondren science Bldg. Too strong to bring to class.
She said I came to for a minute, shouted IHOP!! and then shook my head and said no before passing out again
Pretty sure I asked the person at the pharmacy counter in Walgreens to marry me last night. But also remember Rachel Maddow crawling through the TV screen, so my memory might be a bit compromised...
You don't put off sexcapades. Life lesson #1.
you said you would race him to taco bell but you slipped in the parking lot and just laid there, crying
Remember that time you bought snap bracelets on Amazon and they sent you 300 pregnancy tests instead? Amazon knows.
I'm on the same pooping schedule as a professor I've never had. He now says what's up to me in the hallway
People try and tell me I never learn me lesson, well that's a bunch of crap. I asked for Monday off for Superbowl recovery based on my experience last year.
I've been really sick the past 4 days. Last night, I actually turned down a bj. I may be dying.
Donald Trump looks like someone photoshopped hair onto a dick pic.
I put him in the supply closet, used the copy paper to build a fort around him and his wheelchair, then he fucked me in the fort.
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