I just made out with a guy for $7.
Apparently oprah and I were in competition to see who's ass could get bigger this summer
I'm so hungover even the car commercials make me nauseas
Living well is not the best revenge. Fucking his brother is.
It's ok, I may have just peed outside your car and used your whataburger napkins. Hope you weren't saving them for a special occasion.
Love is....waiting for your girl to throw up her shot in the bathroom...then handing her her beer. Game face.
Well, no one has ever described you as a perfectly balanced individual
Only Tommy would bring a stripper pole to a bonfire
That's the ultimate walk-of-shame: running away from your own apartment and hiding in a McDonald's.
Serio, who the fuck falls down coming offstage wearing nothing but pasties, a g-string, and a fake moustache, and now suddenly needs a tetanus shot. Me. That's who.
Is it bad that I'm using the photo I took for my fake ID as my linkedin profile pic?
What happened?
New Orleans
Every time
I'm gonna try and get through this weekend sober, which is gonna be tough especially since I've already started drinking.
To get him to come she paid for his uber and promised that someone in the house would give him head. it worked
Who the abstract fuck do you think you are!?
Randomize
