community service is like the breakfast club... except we're all the criminal.
So I decided to put different foods on my dick to see which would feel the best
and??
Cake is only good when you eat it
mom just called and i was mid bong hit but i answered anyways coughing and sounding rough she the apologized for waking her little angel up. its 2PM
We met on a dual walk of shame. It has to be love, we can't let that go to waste. I want to tell our children that story.
I trust that you have thought of something completely illegal for us to do this weekend.
just looked up how to break up with someone nicely on google. glad to know im not the only one who looks up this shit.
It wasn't until i was on my knees with three dicks in my face that i thought it might be a bad idea
Bloody Mary Monday just took a turn for the worst... Just had a heart to heart talk with the cat about it's obsession with chewing on cardboard.... Time for a nap.
I tried to force my roommate into a sink last night. And I almost won.
Wors thing about having a cop dad: random drug testing
I'll truly miss your penis but your use of words and phrases such as bae, yolo, swag, and totes have ruined how attractive you once were.
THERE ARE SO MANY HOT DADS AT WHOLE FOODS
It's my day off, I'm going to Target to check out Moms in yoga pants
Yup we found her. The bouncer was carrying her out
Did you ask Harvard boi?
Apparently he likes someone who is into being smart and a supporter of human rights ugh what a skank
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