No, i know about the eggs and penis, the oh wow was for the fire
i wish the dell website had a "did you drink an entire bottle of rum and stepped on your laptop which shattered the screen this weekend and would like to know how to fix it without your parents finding out FAST?" link on their homepage.. i can't be the only one
She gave me head because I gave her my pack of cigarettes...And you said quitting would be hard.
Pretty sure God shed a tear when I put 15 singles in the collection plate.
come back what if one of your parents walks in and im just sitting here eating a cheesesteak without you
FYI, your girlfriend is on her way to the ER. She tried to balance a bottle of jack on her chest. Smashed toes, blood all over patio. Call her, kinda funny though.
Math equation of the day: 4 waffles + 1 bowl of weed = 1 terrific nap
you were telling us about the time you had sex in an alley and he stopped, looked up and said 'it was a cul-de-sac' and went right back to what he was doing.
Still no second date. Guess you shouldn't show guys your taser on the first date.
DROP EVERYTHING! Gatta go get tested for herpes, lets make an adventure out of it.
my ass is still wet. this is highly unpleasant. give me 5 to get changed and I'm all yours. or you can yell things to me while I shower and burn clothes
I finally had to say "that's the hole where I pee" for him to understand.
is it fucked up if I wear crotchless panties to thanksgiving to make it easier for me to fuck my cousins friend.
God I love you.
Youre a wreck. Youll be in your dorm weeping to project runway covered in pizza sauce and smelling of stale beer
I didnt know whether I was going to vomit or orgasm because I was feeling both sensations
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