Turns out I'm a social drinker... I just happen to be REALLY social.
Okay so if I'm going to keep referring to my hangover in the third person it needs a name.
and i think we compared dick sizes, then high fived...
I've had cake for breakfast the past 3 days. You tell me how bikini season is going.
Jessi just used the excuse "it's not you it's me" to get out of getting a lap dance.
Does he not understand that naked slip and slide needs supervision after dark?!
he was grinding on you and dedicated the song "I'm in Love With a Stripper" to you then started taking his own clothes off
I want him to come over and snuggle with me but put a bag over his head. Is that rude?
It's not rude if you use a pillowcase that's softer.
This theraflu would make for a great margarita.
I can make a sudafedarita
once again, we need to groom him to be a better human being. using liquor and tits.
The closest thing to a sext that you will ever receive from me is a picture of pepperonis on Greg's asscheeks, clenching.
And I told him that even though were not together, if he has sex with anyone I would have sex with someone else, video tape it and send it to him.
I just plagiarized Dr. Curtis Connor's ideology from Spider-man in an essay on genetically engineered embryos. College: academic integrity at its finest.
After we hooked up he started to cry and called his mom and told her he wanted to marry me
Drug test isn't today. Now I'm just sitting in this orientation with a bag of your piss in my pants
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