im in a room full of women tattooing each others tits. i hope i remember this tomorrow
Someone left a shot of disaronno in a champagne glass here this morning... flip a coin?
I threw up into my coffee this morning.
Apparently faking a threesome isn't as much fun as you'd think
She touched you, you're now contaminated for 48 hours. Please watch out for rashes, hives and STDs as she's known to have all three.
Pre-game strategy: play thunder by yourself in the shower. Surprisingly, success.
just looked in the mirror, I fell asleep with a face mask on. At least drunk me cares that much about the condition of my skin
Wasn't a date. In exchange for artichoke dip I received a bj. And sex. It was a transaction.
I'm just going to say , cocktail races are not for a Wednesday night maybe not even a Friday type of deal
got one for peeing in public....called the cop a donut dunking communist...should be a fun court appearance
You had your dick do your apologizing for you last night. Apology accepted.
I went out with a plan. I came home with a Brian. THIS WAS NOT PART OF THE PLAN.
someday i'll meet a man and who loves me as much as i love getting drunk and starting fires
he'll eat me out, but god forbid we double dip when sharing salsa
I've been eaten out in coupes, sedans, trucks, suv's, you name it. If I can do it in a smart car, you can do it in a vw beetle.
I knew you were the expert on doing it in public. You need to get paid for your advise
Randomize
