im as drunk as the barefoot contessa. GET TO MY LEVEL
dude. stop pregaming the food network.
I enjoyed our heart to heart in the trunk on the way to the stripclub
I wish the ER had shaved that part of my head. It would be easier to show people my staples at the bar.
I poured myself a glass of chocolate chips at some point during the evening.
Going out so taking the 2nd 1/2 of beer w/ me ont'tube in a Pringles tube. I give money to people on the street that have more self respect.
They said an hour before I even see a doctor...and they noticed the shots tally on my arm.
I'm on my fifth cocktail in twenty minutes. I don't think I will end this on two legs.
Sudden memory flashback: drunk me outside ripping my tampon out and throwing it into the neighbors yard, silently cheering 'time for sexxxx'. I sense a dangerous pattern emerging
I'm watching sex and the city with my wine and Wendy's. I'm not sure if this is single woman empowerment or not.
Felt so good this afternoon, figured I wouldn't have a comedown. Wrong. Just realized I've been staring at a wall for 40 minutes contemplating the color yellow.
just saw a kid get pissed on buy a tiger at the zoo. His dad is rofling and the kid is crying. I think I have to go make a new friend
I'll bring your "congrats on finally banging" cookies tomorrow, I'm exhausted.
It wouldn't be New Years Eve if we knew where we would be at midnight
I need to immerse myself in a tub of peroxide to kill whatever traces of him are on me.
I mean go ahead and let your freak flag fly but if you could not fly it in my bed that would be great
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