If it wasnt for meatballs I would have fucking killed myself already.
Half Baked? Au contraire, Ben and Jerry, I was fully baked when I ate that whole pint of ice cream.
He gave his mom his old phone, and I am SO paranoid
Did you send adult things?
Um. Yes would be the understatement of the year
we just stared at taco bell's menu on the website for 2 hours
I just found 17 dollars of saltine crackers in my room. confused incredibly. suprised not at all.
Of course, I believed he would find me irrestible...sloppy drunk, chugging from a bottle of chardonnay, and completely naked because those kids stole my clothes as I was swimming on their private beach
He dared me to drink a bottle of olive oil in exchange for a 30 pack... So much for loosing the freshman fifteen this year.
He said that he didn't know what level the sun was on, and then he puked.
I just realized that at some point last night I told someone I would only be friends with 16% of them because the other 84% stole my people's land
don't act like you've never hung your towel on your dick after getting out of the shower
So I definitely fucked a guy while holding on to his pigtails like reigns last night.
The most literal cowgirl position ever.
40 year old guy made out with me last night while I had French fries in my mouth
I peed outside 4 times after the bar, safe to say I had great night
He said a lot of nice things about me, it was really uncalled for.
"Plot twist... I'm straight."
Randomize
