so far i wrote 500 words for a paper on sean paul performing we be burnin..i can officially do anything on adderral
After a valiant attempt at golf, I think it's time for Tiger to go back to doing what he does best- having sex w/ blond, white women.
I kept whispering "I love it when you call me big papa" until she got annoyed and left
i think you're the only person in the world who masturbates to food network.
Just think. Tomorrow you'll wake up, shower, and get your brains fucked out. That's your ice cream. Today is your peas and carrots.
You had us pull over so you could pee, you proceeded to pee in some random persons front yard while yelling "im not ashamed"
This will never work out with him unless I somehow learn how to unhinge my jaw like a python.
Shit, my parents are coming over and I just realized that a grinder is not an acceptable paperweight
The best part about passing out on the floor was the fact that when I pissed myself, I didn't piss the bed again.
I started having a bad trip because I closed my eyes and got lost in a forest of patterns and I knew my mom would be upset.
Why is there soup literally in every orifice of my body?
Dropping acid was like seeing the whole world as a blank canvas to imagine anything I wanted.
And apparently all you wanted was to watch the sun explode and me take 60,000 dicks to the face.
I wish university was like frosh week all the time and then they just give you a degree for surviving
Throwing up into Nora's potty chair while simultaneously having beer shits was truly the highlight of my Christmas season.
Booty called 3 guys from my hospital bed
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