If you had to guess, would you say that as a species, midgets are more or less flammable than humans?
Less. Duh. They have less combustible mass.
Im watching he's just not that into you, eating way too much pizza, and feeling very single.
yours is so small it looks like an acorn!!
we fucked while he was on the clock. He didnt even take off his bullet proof vest. Dont tell me thats not bad ass.
This girl told me she was a virgin the other day. I felt like I was talking to a unicorn.
he brought me knee pads...is that sweet or weird?
Here's a tip. Don't party with someone that needs sexual attention. Drinking and sexual attention don't mesh well in the morning. Especially over a bowl of Cheerios.
I've already made the "blackout on move in day" decision
Tequila Tuesday.. tonight is the night I defeat the liquor.
I have class at 8:30 and I am not bailing you out of the drunk tank again.
I told myself I'd stop after three shots of fireball. Haha HA hA.
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. It doesn't matter what it's about. Last text was about a homeless dude
You called his parrot a seagull, a pigeon and a rat with wings, and told it to go eat Cheetos out of a dumpster.
Apparently mid making out I got up and said "I need to figure out my life" went in the bathroom and threw up for two hours.
I walked in and saw her crying and singing to her dog
Edible... I FEEL CLOSER TO THE UNIVERSE AND I DEF TRAVELED IN TIME. I THINK I CAN READ MINDS NOW.
Randomize
