I am solely responsible for the birth of their child. I mean, I did push them into the room and hold the door shut yelling "punch that kitty!". It has to be a sign.
she's sitting alone using her breathalyzer as a kazoo. help.
Parents said they were cutting off my AmEx card. So I immediately went up to the liquor store and purchased $550 of booze before it was canceled. I'm expecting your arrival in 30 minutes.
She told me I made the cut, and to write my name and number on the white board by the door. I was the 7th number down.
Make the kitchen floor stop waving. Im trying to lay on it
Are you awake? Because I would like to know whether or not I should refrain from giving my evil laugh when I enter the apartment...
My fuck buddy is great and all, but it gets weird when she gets in arguments with her BF in the driveway
Just to be a PITA after I die, my will leaves 1 cent to each of my FB friends. I hate my lawyer.
It's two in the afternoon, I'm on my third glass of wine and I'm watching Lambchop on youtube. How do you think I feel right now?
Oh my god the guy at DQ just gave me the number 69 and winked at me
I just watched videos of people getting puppies and crying, I cried too. Definitely still drunk
Literally breaking up to my boyfriend while jamming out to Feraglicious
So now I'm just going to brush my teeth, get high, and go to sleep. Like an adult
We had sex on a couch that was held together by Velcro. Want to know an unsexy sound? Velcro ripping apart under your bare ass.
Just passed a girl holding a jar filled with what appeared to be diarrhea
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