I did the walk of shame to another booty call
I don't think that should turn me on, but it does
just found more coke in my pocket. i love not washing my jeans after every individual use.
I just went to a subway where the girl didn't know how to make a blt. I will not miss public school texans.
Random fact of the day: cum is a really good eye makeup remover
the pub in dfw airport has a countdown timer to st. pattys day, to the second, i like texas
If someone would have told me in preschool that I was going to do him I would have said no
Fuck I keep finding new battle scars from our fight. Justin told me I stabbed you with a broom handle.. Do you remember ripping my pants off?
Why is my vagina being sacrificed for yours? I'm sure he would take a piece of you too. Your turn.
Dude. Steinbecking. It's when you double-fist coffee and alcohol to help you meet a writing deadline.
You're 34. You can't make guys wait till the third date anymore. Step it up!
So much Jack, so little girl.
We had a moment of silence for all of the orgasms he gave me with his beard before he shaved it off.
bought a large fruitopia from McDonalds at 7:45 this morning. Spilled it on the ground. Cried. THAT hungover.
The dick lei will go down in squad history
Who knew a blowjob could cause this kind of crazy
He wasn't prepared for it
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