Black thong, sheer white shorts not a professional look. This chick has no idea what sunlight makes her outfit look like.
A homeless man in dtwn SF was blasting lil wayne and singing at the top of his lungs. I kinda wanted to give him my life savings
There's just this way he looks at me that makes me want to suck his soul out through his dick.
I went to the gynecologist and they said, "you're the most fun person we've ever had," and i thought, "that's exactly why i'm here!"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude...I'm drunk from Wednesday stilll.
i just opened a seperate checking account to keep track of how much i make and spend on our keggers
I always knew I'd be the first one with an STD
I am now best friends with a lesbian named Zulu. I am pretty hammered already and made a game time decision to stay here another night,for partying purposes
If I die tonight and was cremated, you could probably get high off the smoke.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Either I'm paranoid or I swear my parents rigged my house so you can never sneak in or have the munchies without being loud.
Just do let me go home with anyone especially I a guy with a hair sweater
Anyone see the sob who took the piñata?
Once again being low on toilet paper is forcing us into another round of our favorite game - toilet paper roulette - where there can only be 1 winner. Maybe.
I told her I was going to sleep early last night. I probably should not have sent that snapchat of us playing beer pong.
Your life is a soap opera of great sex, cats, and booze.
Randomize