I finally got laid.. you said it wouldn't happen.
All you kept saying was "my dick ALWAYS causes problems".
Ps. I feel like I may pee myself this weekend. Either drunkenly or out of excitement. Toss up
I drove your lawn mower home. Hope you don't need it tonight. I'll bring it over tomorrow.
That place is a DUI and an STD waiting to happen. I think I'll pass.
I'm just gonna pretend you didn't ask me that. I'll sweep that shattered moment of our friendship under the shame rug.
I would feel worse for you if you weren't waking up between a pair of double Fs that attached to a classically trained chief. Im still jacking off eating hot pockets.
Why is it that every study session with you turns into a hunt for drugs?
There's still helium in the tank I found in the garbage outside the bar!
Want to go home, so casually slip my underwear in his pocket. Never seen him grin so big and say goodbye to his friends.
We're living together and you don't know if I've seen Titanic?!
If there aren't any tits where you are, you're doing it wrong.
I started my period on international women's day. It's like the world is congratulating me and punishing me for being a woman at the same time
just stepped out my front door and let the wind dry my naked body because I was too lazy to go search for a clean towel that may not even exist. I could live like this forever
You were so drunk last night that you fell thru the bathroom door at the bar, ripping it off the hinges in the process. But, your birthday tiara stayed on thru the whole thing. I'd call it a succcessful evening. Happy birthday kiddo!
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