She looks like Robin Williams dressed as a frog.
her teeth looked like a whores toenails, i was too horrified to
Bring your kids so they can distract our kids so we can drink beer in peace.
Would it be a dick move to report the suite next-door for a noise violation? They're singing Bad Romance off-key and I'm not sure if I can allow that.
He said he only likes girls with a sense of humor, after he took his pants off I understood why
You were buying shots for everyone, saying, "I got a tax refund. I'm a MILLIONAIRE."
Dude, you punched me in the face bc I wasnt ordering your tbell fast enough. Then when you got it, you threw it out the window bc, and I quote, "OBAMACAREEEE!"
My roommate was tripping balls last night, he kept me up all fucking night
Roommate? Please tell me you're not calling your cat your roommate
Mid stroke she told me she'd had bigger. Replied I could tell. Sex ended right at that moment.
...and as she's going down on me I look at the speedo and I'm doing 15 under, with 6 cars tailgating me, and I know her parents saw her head pop up because they were the car right behind us.
He said the main reason he fucked me was cause of my storm trooper tattoo. IT ATTRACHES ALL THE HOT NERDS
jusy threw up in the airport bathroom. I am no longer thankful for fireball.
My cat just smacked my blunt from my hand and then put her head in my hand. I don't know how to feel
Did you really have to freak out and get up half way through to put the cat in the closet?
...
Two questions: Did you enjoy your birthday present and how did i wake up with glitter all over my dick?
Randomize
