she woke up with a sticky ear
Now I have to picture Dave Letterman having sex with all these women. Im the real victim.
I booked us a cruise for November. Lose 20 pounds and don't cheat on me before then.
I can see why you broke up with her now... it was like having sex with a corpse.
He won't let me have sex with him, but feels bad if I won't let him get me off. It is the weirdest, best, most confusing pseudo relationship I've been in.
Well, that's a 3 inch weight lifted off of my vagina
He just turned 21, it's very obvious the end of their relationship is near. Now we play the waiting game.
I wore a firefighters hat and drank beer all night. They had to drive me home after breaking the beer pong table, they told me I was welcome back tonight though...
i should probably stop thinking with my vagina, and start using that $70, 000 education i can't afford. what the fuck.
So the 25yr old smokeshow I fucked last night said "Prepare to be disappointed" as he put the condom on. I was. 40 is bullshit.
In the officer's defense, I was indeed pantless at the time he cuffed me, but there's a perfectly good explanation.
Are you missing a tooth after last night? Because I found one in my coat pocket...along with what smells like dried jäger and a package of deer jerky.
Uh not that I recall.
Oh wait nvm. It's mine. Yeup, definitely my tooth.
She's nice. But even when I am with her I am thinking of her mom, literally the hottest woman on earth.
just saw two mice fucking on our bed...i think its time to find a new place to live
I’m calling dibs!
You can’t call dibs on dick. That’s free range dick. May the best vagina win!
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