Call me when you're up
Great dream, you were in it
I projectile vomited into my sink. Jealous?
Kind of. My puke would have just dribbled down my chin and missed the sink completely.
Ohh that happened after I started to cry.
STOP SENDING ME DANCING JESUS FORWARDS.
You did not just play the dead husband card again.
plus shes a stripper, ive been with strippers, if you fuck this up your penis will never forgive you
and you will have a crown and it will be made of penises and all will bow before you and your glorious penis crown
My mom would probably be ok with my lifestyle as long as she doesn't see that photo of me doing bong rips in a Jesus costume.
Yea, I had a chaperone thankfully. I'm in the fetal position attempting to eat captain crunch now.
Their engagement party consisted of them doing shots, yelling at each other, leaving for 30 minutes, and coming back with smiles.
I'd say they're off to a great start!
doctors was a success... no liver damage and I lost five pounds.. we're celebrating tonight you get the whiskey I'll get the burritos.
dude I don't even care if I'm getting catfished the point is I'm going to get laid. hot bitch, fat bitch, skanky bitch, i don't care my penis is having an adventure tonight regardless
I need dunkaroos back in my life.
I just realized how terrible that was... I was drumming on your penis to a song about Baby Jesus.
Your drunk self managed to not pee on anyone's bed
Go me
I'm actually proud
What part of I just want to watch porn, eat Taco Bell, and masturbate did you not understand?
Randomize
