dude, I'm watching paul blart mall cop. I have better things to do than listen to you whine about your recent divorce.
She went to college and exploded out of the slut closet.
ok please explain why some one shaved half of my pubes?
The guy at McDonald's just told us there is no flash photography allowed.
So you plan on doing double washing machine sex? Like. A double date. But with sex. On a washing machine..?
Alright, my brain isn't sure how to properly function on a Wednesday with no hangover and more than 3 hours of sleep.
we couldn't find any funnels so we taped a spaghetti strainer to a pool noodle and it worked fairly well
i tried to propose to him with my nipple ring but i couldnt figure out how to take it out
Just when I decided to go get a taco and a blunt cake it starts raining. Coincidence? or divine intervention?
Well, he was my lawyer and now we get drunk and hook up.
That explains the way he looks at you.
Worst case: you're extra horny, have no control of your mouth or actions, and maybe murder someone. Child's play.
he was spending his time trying to use emojis to court a 19 year old, I can’t really take that seriously no matter how hot a dude is
Ughh I think I'll just sit here in the dark and wallow in self-pity while drinking wine and knitting scarves for my future cats.
I guess I'm famous. Hot lesbian was WARNED about me. Still hooked up with her.
I'll pay you to teach me.
you need to drop off my dinner before you go see him because i'm not gonna wait until you're finished fucking him to get my damn chinese food
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