that girl last night was a 15
wait she was 15?
no like black jack not sure if you should hit it
Since when do you wear a bracelet?
Not a bracelet. Half a pair of handcuffs
I negotiated the purchase of an entire tray of like 50 jello shots for $8.
stuck in traffic next to occupy boston. smells like patchouli and unshaven pubes
Fuckers are stealing our internet and making my porn stream slowly so I changed the password for VanceRefrigeration to RyansaCunt. No spaces but capitalization.
Fuck going to see The Hunger Games tonight. The only thing I'm hungry for is some dick. Let's go to the bar.
Jailed a totally belligerent hot guy. That was probably my most thorough pat down. Ever.
I went out with a plan. I came home with a Brian. THIS WAS NOT PART OF THE PLAN.
Worst case scenario- he paid me for sex with meatloaf. There are worse thing, right? I mean at least is was good meatloaf.
I found a 9 minute video on my phone of you singing into an eggplant.
Remember the time you puked your contact lens out?
The body is still out there. I don't think my trainer realized when he asked me not to drink for 24 days, how often I see dead people
I'm so festive that I used my jack o lantern bucket as a just in case barf bin
I really prefer to do my walks of shame in the summer
My dad accidentally texted me asking if I had weed...
Maybe you should say yes, and you guys can like bond or something...
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