mowing the lawn. still drunk. If my dad doesn't appreciate this I swear I'm dissowning everyone including him
I think I have internal bruising from those poses we were doing last night. My own ribs hurt me. I don't understand.
It's barely 9 am & I've already had an ice cube IN my vagina
I don't think my prof knows we've noticed her No Bra Fridays.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
im taking a nap outside. wake me up in an hour.
way to go to work and not wake me up. when you get home youre rubbing me with aloe and giving me a blowjob. no excuses
I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser.
Well, I wanted to be you for Halloween but I couldn't fit seven dicks in my mouth.
Last night I dreamt that I sold my car and used the money to have wheels surgically implanted in my feet and legs so I became a human heely and I just rolled everywhere
Like, I can't stand that bitch, but i genuinely hope she gets the help she needs
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Now I'm having a post-sex brownie. Is this the life? I think it might be
His dog was laying on the bed and he said we could have sex as long as we didn't disturb his dog. My life is pathetic
And then you poured the rest of the vodka into salsa and added the alcohol soaked pineapples and grapes and said "don't touch my salsa breakfast".
Is someone on their way here yet? I'm way too tweaked to be here alone
Hypothetically speaking of course, is it bad if a cat eats lube?
Dude my roommate just peed out the window
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