Well, its 5:30am and you haven't let me in, I guess ill go home
do u think i could put an abortion on my debit card?
Sooo, his balls are like... bigger than my head...
he said he wished he had more hands so he could firmly hold my boobs.
Ambien does the same to me. One time that I took it, I got this huge bowl of spaghetti out of the fridge and thought it was a castle and that the meatballs were little slaves. I ate all of them first and then the noodles were the soldiers and the sauce was the water in the moat. And when I finished, I fell up the stairs and threw it all up.
she's laying in my bed with an ice pack on her vagina. how do you think it went?
You know you stopped at a liquor store to prepare for a 12-year-old's birthday party, right?
I have so much boob sweat I could bathe a baby
he may be homeless but his dick however is not... anymore.
I'm looking for mother nature. And when I find her, I'm looking her right in the eyes and telling her to fuck off.
Woke up to my asscrack filled with melted Reese's Pieces. Halloween parties are so weird here man
I'm making mistakes. Coming up with girl now
I hate me. That girl was hiiiiideous.
I don't get it. Why have babies when you can have vodka?
I'd just like to take a moment now to apologize sincerely for getting drunk and making an as of myself at your Christmas party next week. I'm especially sorry for sleeping with your baby sister.
i think i passed out for a few seconds while we were having sex but he didnt notice...
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