Why dose there have to be another girl there for you to do this?
its hotter. Way hotter.
he made transformer sounds every time he changed positions. how do you think it went?
Vodka + horseback riding = vomit in the saddle bags
Gravity stopped and i'm discussing Greek philosophy with two guys I don't know. There's someone asleep on me. We need to use their dealer.
You insisted on going outside so you could "breathe real air".
Strike three, the fat brides maid they call shit puker also has herpes.
The upside of Thirsty Thursdaying with the client last night was that he was so hungover that he didn't want to spend time wrangling over the contract extension this morning.
Boss just said I'm getting a bonus for this. Want to celebrate our anniversary a week early tonight?
This is why I married you.
You came home And decided to make beer battered bacon... That's why there was smoke
I like dinosaurs. I like penises. It's kind of a win win
Tequila Tuesday.. tonight is the night I defeat the liquor.
I have class at 8:30 and I am not bailing you out of the drunk tank again.
Just put me in your contacts as coyote
She puked off the side of the cruise ship onto a newlyweds balcony table and they watched it all happen then they made her clean it up
I was so drunk I got stuck in the middle of a revolving door
He tripped and fell all the way to the ground and then stood right back with out spilling a drop of his 3/4 full glass of rum and coke. It was like watching something from the matrix
No offense, but I don’t think I would want to see him in anything skimpier than a hazmat suit.
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