did you seriously just ask me if there is such thing as a sophisticated batman shirt?
this morning i realized i came home with more condoms then i left. burn.
Dude they are all farmers and I'm pretty sure there's a prostitute here.
It's like a puppy that we have to take care of at all times or else she'll get sad, lonely, and chew on the furniture. And by 'chew on the furniture', I mean have anonymous sex.
We need to pull ourselves out of this slump. We need dick and lots of it. We are going to fuck our way to happiness.
They said an hour before I even see a doctor...and they noticed the shots tally on my arm.
can i text him and be like "oh yeah, forgot i kinda made out with a girl this weekend. For future reference, does this count as cheating?" ?
I'm not leaving my family to go to a strip club on good friday.
Its mothers day, andI woke up with 12 bar stamps on my face, holding orange juice and a box of tampons. This can not be happening
Dude, you got arrested and then texted 911 to tell them you'd been kidnapped with a screenshot of your current location.
I AHVE A WINE BUCKETTTTTTT
I paper cut my nipple reading mail topless
Dude.. She just busted into my house wearing a ski mask, a poncho, and thigh-high pink hooker boots and yelled, "THE CABS ARE HEEERRREEE!!"
RESPOND QUICKLY THIS IS AN EMERGENCY!!! LITERALLY AN 11 INCH DICK!!!!! HELP.
Ewe he just snapped me a pic of his butt crack.. Should I be concerned?
Randomize
