margs and chips and queso make the world go round
well and inertia
Ryan Ross and Jon Walker left panic at the disco today.
I predict a mass suicide of the 14 year old girl population...
i just dont know how to see an unattractive person as more than a friend
Just sold all of my pants in order to buy tonight's whiskey. Goodbye, high functioning alcoholism. Hello, Dad.
nobody is as good of a wingman as me. i make whoever im with look like mark wahlberg during his underwear model phase
I just got asked if I have a rule for sleeping with people. Like they have to buy me dinner first etc...
On that note, do I have a rule?
SURVIVED FINALS. CAN'T DIE FROM ALCOHOL POISONING. NOTHER SHOT. CAPS.
Tell him next time im gonna be "disgrace to the family" drunk
That was a $3000 rug we rolled him down the hill in.
Burnt my ear trying to use the bathroom blow dryer as a telephone.
Dude it's bad when your 10 year old son makes fun of your penis size.
You were stoned out of your mind. We were eating cold cuts and you wouldn't shut up about how it was the wettest meat you'd ever felt in your life.
Withdrawals are gods way of saying "you're still my bitch"
God this is like a meg Ryan movie without the restaurant orgasms
One minute we're singing Wagon Wheel, and the next you're belly dancing in a trash bag on the beer pong table
Randomize
