I seriously can't date anymore I forgot how to hide my crazy
LETS GET FUCKED UP IN ONESIES TONIGHT.
I worry about you sometimes...
My niece just threw up all over me. My sister's breastmilk was on my face. This is like a fucked-up porno gone terribly wrong.
You two kept repeating the same thing over and over. It was like looking after retarded pull-string dolls.
We went out. i got lost. dunno where they were. they slept in the car. i slept in an outdoor shower. i dont know anything else.
I appreciate the offer. Swallowing pride is much like swallowing cum, difficult and unpleasant
i told you that I felt like my feet were melting into the ground and you starting blowing on them to put out the "invisible fire". thanks friend.
we should probably just go check in at the police station right now
I send out my deepest condolences for seeing my ass last night.
The only way that night could have gotten any better would be if a unicorn would descend from the heavens with a nacho bell grande in a bag around its horn beat boxing Hakunah Matata.
its the first football sunday and my boyfriend isn't excited. this isn't gonna last unless he makes me snacks and brings me beer during the game.
How is it possible that I'm still a virgin and you've managed to have sex in a cheetah print onesie TWICE
They made up a new version of "Smash or Pass" called "I would(n't) let you sit on my face" to yell at the freshman
The Vicodin is in the strawberries.
I'm pretty sure he sprained my clit...
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