I just googled "buy xanax online". What is wrong with my life?
Banging your ex-girlfriends best friend 3 days after you break up is like saying "fuck you" with feeling. I wouldnt have it any other way.
I don't remember what your face looks like..
I don't remember your face either, just your dick.
I made a google map for "places I got blow jobs"
I noticed when you had too much when you were yelling "HOE-HAVE-A-SEAT" to his cat.
You said you couldnt get the condom on but "its the thought that counts"
She gave me a rubber ducky to make me feel better while I was throwing up.
We don't need a hotel, we'll just sleep in the post office.
He ended up walking out of his bedroom and told me to look at the nonexistent fire he was holding in his hand. Im upset I didn't take those shrooms.
They made the rule if I caught the ball with my cleavage they would drink the entire beer pong table. I don't think they expected me to actually do it.
Downside to Halloween: you can't tell if the guy dressed as Gene Simmons from KISS that keeps flirting with you is hot or not...I decided to err on the side of caution and assume not...
You fed me pizza off a sword last night.
to have them in my mouth would be like meeting a unicorn while floating on a cloud of glitter
He told me I remind him of his ex girlfriend but in a better more advanced way..
You tryed convincing the salvation army bell ringer you could do the worm and face planted into the sidewalk... I put a dollar in the can for your performance
Randomize
