pwbgyin
what?
penguin condom
So my shaver died while I was trimming...ya know. And now it is half way done. I don't think there's currently any aesthetic in keeping it this way...
my head looks like a cockatoo
mine looks like a lions mane...looks like the entire zoo is going to prom
Pretty sure I just slept with Elmo.
My life is a requiem composed in the key of fuck.
Look what our sorority has done to us...we're hitting on girls in hopes of getting an awesome little.
I think I saw maybe 3 ugly girls the entire time we were there
Yea its like that frat house was built to keep fat chicks out of parties
I dont care how drunk you were. Making a bet with MY husband at MY wedding that you could seal the deal before he could is ALWAYS inappropriate!
I told him I wanted to "ride him like a show pony" I think he gets the picture
I started scrolling back in our texts looking for context and a picture of your dick rose like the Great Pumpkin in the middle of my screen.
Drinking and pointing where stuff needs to go is hard stuff.
The cops spotted my on my walk of shame down the boardwalk and gave me a ride home. I'm starting to make a name for myself here.
I think I pulled a boob muscle during phone sex
I wish I could be the kind of drunk Bobbi is... She stumbles around outside at 4am with a broken high heel and babbling about rainbows and getting dick...
You know youre getting old when you I.D. the person trying to take you home to be sure they're over 25. Help me.
Randomize
