my ass hurt today after the party last night. I wnt to the doctors and they found a coin in a ziplock bag with a note from you. WHAT THE FUCK DID U DO TO ME???
I thought this kinda shit only happens to ugly people
i may or may not have just grinded on your dog thinking it was my boyfriend
I'm not sure, but I think she had a tampon in when we fucked
I know he gets bloody noses a lot...so that explains all the blood...but I'd say the condoms are definitely from a penis.
I just threw up blood. Also i just remembered i got hit in the face with a 2 by 4.
I'm convinced that the Christmas lights in my room contributed to the great sex.
I'm never drinking with you again. I woke up in Midtown with a 7' tall Norwegian rugby player named Lexie. Never. Again.
After seeing all of the pics during the trial, all I could think was "her vagina doesn't look THAT dangerous"
I asked if I could borrow some condoms. She referred to herself as "a soup kitchen for whores".
So yeah, don't be alarmed when you come home after work to find me eating cookie dough out of a margarita glass with a knife and watching The Little Mermaid. It's been one of those days.
Let me get this straight, you're telling me to lower my standards? Even though last week you told me I don't have any..?
All three of my roommates have their significant others over. We're all hanging out in the living room. It's like I'm the trifecta of third-wheeling
So this is what it's like to wake up with someone else's blood in your nose...
he said he couldn't believe he just lost his virginity and passed out. what have i done
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