Woke up this morning to a janitor hitting me in the head with his bucket in the hallway of my building. An alumni was next to me because we locked ourselves out of my room and couldn't figure out where my roommates were.
I am at The Loft in SoNo, and there are two girls within arms reach that are making out with each other AGGRESIVELY. Like I can see 100% of a boob
For future reference, this is Trevors little sisters phone now. Trevs number is 484 XXX XXXX. Great story tho
so i realized that everyone figured out i was a slut before i did. then i realized that no one felt like telling me. sometimes i think you just keep me around for entertainment.
you're right.
He's still on the phone with him. This is unnatural. Dudes don't call other dudes just to talk.
the trash is collected at 5:50 on mondays. i was up puking all night and heard them
and then he said he has been waiting since high school to touch my boobs
I have no idea. I woke up naked on someones toilet locked in the bathroom with two baby kittens.
Why is it only times like these when I'm scrubbing the cum stains off my futon before my family gets here that I seriously begin to question my life choices?
come find me. Outside the bar we were just in waving my syringe in the air
Woke up in my underwear and Christmas sweater. Only. Eggnog has won the battle but not the war.
Pros and cons of selling your underwear to a guy on craigslist. Go.
Come down off the roof.
Don't feel bad sweetie, you're not the only classy one in town. I'm still driving around with that tupperware of tequila in my cup holder from last week's Margarita Monday.
ok so i took my anxiety medication and i'm eating junior mints and i think my vagina will be ok
YOUR STATE IS STUPID
Did you miss a turn again?
WHAT FUCKING IDIOT DECIDED TO DESIGN AN ENTIRE FUCKING STATE WHERE YOU CAN'T MAKE A FUCKING LEFT TURN?!? FUCK NEW JERSEY
i'm not too sure if he's up to my expectations looks-wise, but in the penis department he exceeds ALL regulations.
Randomize
