His text read: Sex? I replied: Not drunk enough. He bought 4 more rounds and tantalized me with the offer pizza later. This could be the beginning of a beautiful relationship.
You did not just nickname me "Nipples".
I can die happy now, I have been kicked out of strip clubs on six different continents
Think worst case scenario and then dress sluttier
Apparently Bin Ladens last act of terrorism is cock blocking me....
I feel like someone had their period in my eyes.
I'm sorry I got a little outta control last night.
I actually kinda like her but everyone else hates her, so consider it a third party grudgefuck.
So are you actually going to come fuck me in the ass this weekend, or was that just you being drunk in a kilt?
She screamed at us, "You guys need to wake up and smell the beer-bong!"
there is vomit in the pocket of my dress coat. i remember thinking "this is a weird place to puke" at some point in the evening, but i dont understand how i did this.
somehow I feel like "adventures with cocaine and molly" wouldn't be an appropriate "How I Spent My Spring Break" essay topic.
Some nice lady just gave me a beer out of her purse. I love youth hockey
IDK I WAS CAUGHT UP IN THE TEQUILA SHOTS AND FRIENDSHIP
I woke up with masking tape on my nipples this morning........... WHY DO BAD THINGS HAPPEN TO GOOD PEOPLE
I have four things I would like to do over summer too... Problem is they're all roommates
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