"You squeeze, we tiip biiiiiig" JB
I woke up covered in my own vomit with a pocket full of napkins. I guess I knew I would need them, but was not coherent enough to use them before passing out.
idk if its the weather or the "im still drunk" or the morning sex i just had with my roommates gf but that was def the most enjoyable walk in the rain ever
Does Vicodin go better with white or red wine?
im eating kix cereal and taking shots by myself. please come hang out with me. im desperate
critical mistake not lubing the nipples
They set the pop up pool in the basement-running filter and all. Drunk swimming. Come now.
That birthday blow job you ordered came in the mail today. I suggest you hurry home.
What wine did you feed Jack? Might not want to waste the good stuff on kitties. Kitties only get box wine.
This breakup hit defcon 5. Walked to pathmark with a denim jacket over my nightgown to get ben and jerrys. On sale btw.
When you woke up the first word out of your mouth was "whoa"
I was feeling the aftermath of his penis
How do I figure out the name of this sleeping naked guy in my bed?
Okay I'm officially a Texan now, I banged a dude with cowboy boots
I am luring the porn star to my house with chicken!
Omg. I meet up with you guys with bodily fluids on my chin ONE time and suddenly I'm a whore.
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