I just did the classiest thing ever.
last time you said that you got chlamydia.
At least you didnt end up topless in a Tina Turner wig singing cabaret tunes
we fucked while he was on the clock. He didnt even take off his bullet proof vest. Dont tell me thats not bad ass.
Theres two guys using a blow up doll to hold their beers while they float around the pool
Im on my way, tell them to get ready for a high-five
YOU CAN'T BASE A RELATIONSHIP OFF A PENIS
I LIKE HIS TONGUE TOO.
Called my dealer in tears and we talked for an hour until I felt better. That's the way it should be.
FALSE ALARM! I didn't piss myself, I fell asleep in the shower and then drunkingly crawled into my bed
Your boyfriend and I are bonding over your giant dick.
You disappeared for 10 minutes. Then came back with nothing but your boxers and a life jacket on to tell us we were all screwed when the flood came and you would be the only survivor.
Just got a Snapchat of his dick with the caption 'We miss you.'
That's true love, there.
It's time to run my sex life like a basketball team. Got the lesson Clint!
Seriously, you just banged the guy that wishes his dog happy birthday on fb. That's fucking adorable!
It began the way the best stories do—with some naïve jackasses in a place they had no business being at.
Sharted again. Stuck in traffic. Fuck
Ahhh, beer. My second favorite breakfast drink.
Randomize
