No, we ended up finding him drunk at a bus stop downtown sitting on the bench asking people for chocolates and amazing stories to "rid his mind of his whore of a girlfriend"
Somehow I managed to make my Dunkin Donuts uniform look slutty. And I'm not even wearing hoops.
I just saw her punch a kid in the face.. i always knew she was the girl for me.
You paid the taxi driver with a comb last night.
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When that rick ross song came on he started ripping up dollar bills and pouring out drinks on the floor. I'm all for ignorance but it was a little excessive for a wedding
Sorry I didn't take you making out with him all night as a hint you wanted nothing to do with him...
Saturday evening, however, will be my vodka and bubble wrap extravaganza.
I would feel worse for you if you weren't waking up between a pair of double Fs that attached to a classically trained chief. Im still jacking off eating hot pockets.
Just text the random number in my iphone notes that was entered at 1am. Should be interesting.
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Do you remember peeing in the sink while I was throwing up?
No ma'am, I do not. I found a video of us trying to do a trust fall though. Emphasis on the trying.
I feel like I owe her child an apology or something after blowing my load on the tattoo she has of her.
lets go to sea world and you can just hit on every guy in a wetsuit until you get lucky
the sex got boring after the first three hours
holy shit
well we woke up in different beds than the ones we originally fell asleep in, you were butt naked, and your boyfriend was sleeping on a cot in the middle of the kitchen. that might be why he's mad.
he was wearing pj pants, thank you for not letting me go home with him
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